My husband left on Easter Day this Spring. For the fishing grounds.
Life at home is messy. It always gets messy. One parent, two kids (albeit that one of the kids is now an adult), four cats and a dog.
The cats are spending much more time outdoors now. No one here is crazy about cleaning the cat litter boxes. My husband cleaned them during the off-season, for which the rest of the family is very, very grateful.
For the record, my husband is not crazy about cleaning cat litter boxes out, either.
Our elderly cat, often misses the box these days, hitting the floor. It is a full-time job making sure the cat potty things are sanitary enough for her increasingly sensitive nose.
Cats sunning on the south-facing cedar deck. Getting fresh air. Also, simultaneously saving their humans time and energy spent on cleaning cat litter boxes. Makes me smile.
The flies have shown up.
That happens when the garbage does not get removed from the utility room soon enough, and it starts to get warm as the calendar approaches Summer.
My husband mostly takes care of the garbage, too, during the off-season. For which the entire family is very, very grateful.
Then there is the stack of mail in the passenger seat of the mini-van.
Yep. You guessed it. My husband takes care of the mail, well, he helps take care of the mail. When he is home during the off-season.
Seasonal single-parenting.
It is kind of a rush.
Sights, sounds and smells occur that don’t usually exist in our fairly conventional home life. The one we lead during the off-season, when my husband is home.
The family is very grateful that a mouse which one of the cats brought inside the other day, did not hide behind a piece of heavy furniture.
That happened one year when my husband was away fishing. An abandoned mouse.
The putrid, dead mouse smell became stronger by the day. It was the middle of summer. The house temperature reached above the 80’s. Virtually stewing the mouse in its own juices.
Our family, eventually, had to eat on the other side of the house. We had NO IDEA where the mouse had run to. Eventually, the smell was so bad that we were able to track it behind a filing cabinet. The mouse was found flat, decomposing.
That was then, this is now.
The laundry. Yay, Is clean! Just not exactly put away. Each person is responsible for doing that themselves.
On paper anyway.
The truth is, we are all in a new routine. We do this twice a year. Transitioning. Husband/Dad gone, Husband/Dad home.
It will take a while to smooth into the new routine.
Just as it will take a while for our fishing boat, the Saint Jude, to get into a rhythm with our new crewman. There will be a learning curve.
As the last few flies buzz behind my head (the rest have been mercilessly smashed by a fly swatter), I contemplate this life.
Now I am off to pick up school kids, my son and his buddy.
Yep. You guessed it. My husband does that too, most of the time. During the off-season! Picks up the kid, the one not yet old enough to drive.
Break
I just got back from the grocery store. Got in the store, almost. Noticed I had left a grocery list in the mini-van. Walked back to the mini-van and noticed my clothes were much too warm for heat of the day.
Also, noticed an oil spot running out from under the mini-van. I quickly scanned my mental mini-van diagnostic skills. I decided to move the mini-van to a different parking spot. One without oil puddles.
Somewhat anxiously, I did the grocery shopping. Coincidentally, the man behind me in the check-out line said to no one in particular, “Men actually do some things”. I think he meant grocery shopping.
I had an audience, then, and took the opportunity
“My husband is away commercial fishing”, I said.
“I have been noticing for the past couple of weeks just how much he did around the house when he was home”.
I talked about the cat litter box issue until I noticed that random strangers in line started to look uncomfortable.
Groceries bagged and paid for, I pushed the grocery cart back to the mini-van. A quick glance under the vehicle reassured me, somewhat, that the mini-van was not the cause of the oil leak earlier.
Traditionally, my husband is in charge of the oil changes in our vehicles. Lately though, I have been.
It is important to be able to know how to do many things. Cooking, grocery shopping, oil changes, laundry, banking, … life skills.
Men and women can both be competent in these areas. On dry land.
Just as men and women can both be competent in many areas on a boat. If they choose to be.
In my earlier years, I spent a lot of time commercial fishing. It is very physically demanding at times, that particular career choice. No more, though, and no less than “seasonally single-parenting” children and running a household at home.
It is just a different kind of work.
Circa 1990. Back during the 24-hour long-line halibut openers in SE Alaska. My husband and I became adept at participating in long-line openers – without a crew. Just he and I landed this 300 + lb halibut, along with the rest of the fish on that opener. I am 24-years-old in this photo. Yakutat, Alaska. Photo credit – Allan Richardson
Did the fish photo grab your attention?
Yeah, it is a big fish. Care to guess how large gonads are in a halibut that size? Think coconut. Each one. You’ll be in the ball park.
That big halibut is definitely cool, way cooler than talking about running households and cleaning cat boxes.
So it is when I contemplate my life.
The coolest thing I have ever done is to raise kids. It is also cool to be a commercial fisherman. Both jobs are tough!
This year, one or both of our kids may be aboard the Saint Jude. Commercially fishing.
I expect other fishermen to cut my husband some slack when he has the kids on the boat. They may or may not. It is a competitive industry.
He will neither be the greatest dad, when the kids are on the boat, nor will he be the greatest commercial fisherman. Both jobs require an intense amount of work and focus.
The best a fishing boat captain/dad can do is to try and find a good balance.
It is the very same for me as a mother.
Finding a balance. Instilling a work ethic in our kids. Staying focused on commercial fishing. Just like any other set of parents in any other career field.
Sometimes my life is routine, rather boring.
Sometimes big fish bite!
Finding the balance is where it is at.
Being a commercial fishing family – it’s cool!
You can learn more about our fishing family business at http://www.freshfrozenfish.net
Integration 