Turning 50! (Celebrate with me)

50! Milestone birthday for sure.

For years, I was fishing on a boat somewhere on my birthday. I was lucky when friends planned a celebration for me.

This year, I am home. With my now adult daughter. Getting ready to switch things up a bit. It is time to get the party started!

50, baby, and I ain’t sitting on my hands this year doing nothing!

Our family fishing boat, the Saint Jude, is heading in and it looks like my husband and son will be home tomorrow too. I have not seen either of them for weeks. That is the nature of us being a commercial fishing family. They will not only be able to celebrate my 50th birthday with me tomorrow, on August 23, but my daughter’s 18th birthday too!

As a fishing family, our important events tend to get celebrated in a cluster fashion. When everyone is together.

Today, truth be told, I started off wanting to get the house cleaned up more for my husband’s arrival. Boring. Conventional. I chose to write instead. I told my husband this on the phone today and he gave his blessing. He said he’d pitch in around home when he got here. I like that. It seems to mean our marriage is in a good place. That we have both learned that there is much more to life than a perfectly clean house.

I also want to spoil myself, one last day, before my son is home to get ready for the school year. When my husband goes back fishing, when the weather settles down, I will be seasonally single-parenting once again. Granted, it is much easier now than when the kids were younger and a big outing was a trip to the grocery store to buy diapers.

These days, I have a lot more time to myself. It is a transitional time, ripe with possibility.

I want to live the rest of my life with little or no regret.

Turning 50 gives me a chance to reflect on how to go about this.

Things I regret NOT doing in my first fifty years of life:

1. Not working as a Registered Nurse for at least awhile. Why? 2 years of pre-nursing college classes and 2 years of Nursing School is a lot of time commitment to have never worked in a field. The money was good, for that stage of my life when I was in my early 20’s, and it would have built confidence. I also learned it is not good to let myself get talked out of doing something that is in my best interests. It is a trap for letting resentment build. About 11 years ago, I took a refresher course to try to renew my license. The field had changed so much, by then, that I could not do this. So I will remain mandatorily retired from professional nursing and lose the resentment.

2. Not paying automobile insurance for 6 months while commercial fishing when first married. Why? Insurance companies frown on this even when a car is not being used and it is tricky getting reinsured.

3. Not hiring a housekeeper more when the kids were younger? Why? I would have had more quality time to do more with the children when they were younger and have been way less tired. The quality of our life would have been better and we would have had more people over to the house. I could also have used other skills I possess for doing things that would have had a more positive impact in my life and that of others. Like writing.

Things I don’t regret:

1. Supporting my husband with his passion of commercial salmon trolling. Why? It makes him happy.

2. Having a family home built before the kids were born. 27 years ago. Why? At one time the 2,500 sq. feet and over an acre of property seemed too small. We have used every inch of space in the house. We have had lovely celebrations. Even through tough times during the recession, while dealing with some expensive medical issues when salmon seasons were drastically cut back for 5 years in WA, CA, and ORE, the house provided sanctuary. I was 22-years-old when we had our home built. It is fun to share.

3. Owning the Saint Jude with my husband. Why? Taking a baby fishing on a commercial fishing boat for 5-6 months is challenging. The Saint Jude has seen us through some tough weather and tough times. She is all aluminum and easy to maintain. She is also lot of fun and I can tell our son enjoys her a lot.

4. Having pets. Why? They keep me humble. We will also remember them long after the objects we own, including our boat and home, become no longer useful to us.

5. Having kids. Why? They keep me humble. They also, just by their very existence, force me to grow. To live better, learn more, be more. I want for them to be happy.

6. Raising kids in Sequim, WA. Why? We are rural and there is an abundant amount of natural beauty here. A lot of people at the stores and other places know my kids, remember them when they were in preschool, ask me how Al is doing when he is away fishing. Folks trade us for fish sometimes. This is how we get our Christmas tree, some professional services, sometimes other food for our table. There is a lot of heart in our small community and it is close to my hometown, Port Angeles.

7. Getting help when needed. Why?  I have been fortunate to find out fairly early in  life that is important to not get run down too far. Not good for self to do that, not good for family. Self-care is important.

8. Listening to others. Why? My current world is fairly small. I still stay at home a lot with the kids especially when Al is away fishing. This is changing once again as they are growing older and getting more independent. I want to broaden my world view through more travel, reading, education, physical activity, socializing.

We are all different. Some things we all have in common. I like getting to know people and trying to find the common ground.

To get started, on my Facebook page today, I asked folks to share the title of a favorite book they have read, and/or favorite place they have traveled, and/or their favorite swimming pool or ocean they have swam in, and/or the most radically silly thing they have ever done.

Here is what I have to share with you so far:

My favorite book: Trinity by Leon Uris

Best place I’ve visited: Alaska and traveling by boat up and down the Inside Passage

Best Swim: Lituya Bay, Alaska

Most radically silly thing I’ve done: Swam in Lituya Bay, Alaska – more than once on different days – it’s really cold!

What is your favorite book? Most awesome place you have ever visited? The favorite pool or ocean in which you have ever swam?

What is the most radically silly thing you have ever done?

Are you living the life you want to be living? I’d love to hear!

 

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Last season home, letting go, and Les Miserables

Notes from a fishwife

This morning, when I flipped up the lid of my laptop computer, I noticed that someone had changed my screen-saver. The turqoise tropical waters of the previous view had been replaced by a photograph of our 46′ aluminum fishing vessel, the Saint Jude, back when she was brand-new in 1989.

Not hard to figure out who had changed the scene. I am living at home with my teen-age daughter while my son and husband are away fishing in Oregon on board the Saint Jude.

My girl admitted to changing the image. It is, I think, her way of letting me know that I am connected to the sea, and that she and I both expect the Saint Jude to take good care of our menfolk. My girl misses her little brother and her daddy. Our family fishing boat is essential to us making a living. When we are on board, our lives depend on her.

Just like the screen-saver, the lives within our small commercial fishing family are currently experiencing transition.

I became poignantly aware of this as I delivered fish last week-end to a couple of local establishments in the Sequim area. I had a nice chat with the owner of one of the establishments about how her business and customers like supporting local producers. She said they appreciated the opportunity to provide “clean food” to the community. I smiled as I handed a dozen cans of our Dungeness Seaworks albacore to her.

Then she asked me how it was for me to not be on the boat with my husband.

Ahh, that question. I looked quickly away from her, toward the horizon. Just as I do on the boat when seas start getting really rough. It is steadying. I felt my mind drift off to sea. Just for a moment. Then I made eye contact, once again, with this woman. Grounded once more. I have just met her, but I feel she has seen a glimpse into my soul.

I tell her truth.

It was and is hard. To be geographically separated from my husband for the most part of up to 6 or 7 months. Being married to a commercial fisherman is challenging. My pre-teen son has been on board for over two weeks and I miss him keenly.

My thoughts quickly move to why I am home this summer. I tell this person, who is no longer a stranger, that I am really looking forward to seeing my daughter in a local theatrical production of Les Miserables that upcoming evening. That it was a wonderful thing to spend summers at home with my children. That this will be my last season to do so, and that I am grateful.

We parted company.

That evening I dine with my mother and her housemate. We saw Les Miserables together. At one point, my 17-year-old daughter was seen in the show dancing on a table top with other “drunken” souls. The entire scene (in my mind, I call it the “Master of the House Scene”) made the audience laugh. Later, we cried.

It was just that powerful!

Every night of the show, there has been a long standing ovation. As I stepped into the night air, to hand my daughter flowers and to congratulate the entire cast waiting outside the theater, I thought to myself, ‘This is life!”

There is a monetary price for having stayed at home over the past number of fishing seasons. The crewman we hire these days, during the high season of summer salmon and albacore trolling, is only necessary to our business now because I am not there. I tell few people how much it is that our crewman makes in a season.

It is the financial amount I entice my daughter with to think about fishing with us in the future. A nearly sure-fire way to help her pay her way through college if she so chooses. As I did working as a deckhand on commercial salmon trollers in my youth.

In the here and now, however, breathing in the Sequim night air while surveying the smiles on the faces of every member of that Les Miserables cast (they absolutely nailed their performances), this was my only thought:

Being in this very moment, with my daughter, my mother, our friends, and other community members is absolutely priceless. Worth much more than the price of admission. Worth staying home this season and all the previous fishing seasons. It was worth Every. Single. Cent.

Rare air.

It is a glimpse into the future. Watching my daughter, acting in multiple roles of adult characters onstage, just as she is becoming an adult in real life.

It is a gift to be her mother.

This is a time I will savor for the rest of my life. One I am enjoying sharing with my relatives, my best friends, and most of all, with my beautiful girl.

Our small community is celebrating and savoring the amazing performances in Les Miserables provided by many, very talented local artists. My daughter, I am proud to say, is amongst them.

I invite you to share in the incredible experience that is our local Sequim production of Les Miserables.

The show runs through 2 Aug; Thursday-Saturday; 7pm Showtime.

Get your tickets at Joyful Noise Music Store (next to Hurricane Coffee), at the door, or online at http://www.Penfamtheater.org, reserve seating.